It is my destiny to be a romance novelist

It’s a cycle I go through. It could last as little as a month. It is a certainty in my life. As sure as day follows night, I convince myself that I am going to be a romance novelist. It’s as certain as me telling myself I want to be a "serious" writer. Maybe even more so. My heart beats and I want to be a romance novelist. It's all my heart desires.

There are some problems with this. While I do read romance novels, I don't read them as frequently as I read, say, crime. And when it comes to real life experience in the romance field? Oops, I don't have any. And yet the feeling comes over me like a crashing wave. I'm going to be a romance novelist. I am going to make myself a romance novelist.

It's not out of any disrespect for the romance genre. I'm not under the mistaken apprehension that romance is easier to write or easier to break into. Oh no, I know it's tough. I know it doesn't come naturally to me. Still, I want it. Romance is just so darn… romantic. How can anything else compare to hearts and flowers, velvety red roses? How can anything compare to crashing waves at midnight? Starlit walks? It's all so wonderful. It's the stuff that dreams are made of, literally.

Romances are – to a degree – a fantasy. That means you can gather up all those beautiful fantasies you've been storing up and put them into your romance novels, right? I haven't actually written a successful romance novel yet, so I don't actually know. It sounds right.

I read a book once about writing erotic fiction that recommended writers have a 'Big Sexy List' of everything they find sexy. I can easily imagine the same thing for romance. A Big Romantic List. There might even be a bit of crossover there. It all goes to my head, the idea of planning a romance.

Why have I never written one? 1) As I say, writing romance is difficult. 2) I lose my nerve. 3) the cycle that I mention rolls on and I decide to be some other kind of writer for a while. It's not something I'm proud of. In fact, if I could change one pattern in my writing it would be this one.

So, I'm declaring it now: I am going to pick a genre and stick with it for at least as long as it takes to write a first draft. I am going to be a romance novelist. I am going to make myself a romance novelist.